Seeking Meaning In Your Roles, vs. Through Your Roles

More than almost anything else, we are a purpose-driven species. We're not interested in working endlessly and mindlessly simply for a paycheck. We see what out-of-control corporations, governments, and people living exclusively by the profit motive can do to the world, and something in us recoils from it.

There is an explicit hunger for meaningfulness in our work and personal lives. And the more these can overlap, the more integrated we tend to feel.

Yet all purpose and all meaning is not created equal. Many of us seek it out in the wrong places. Dhritarashtra, a key figure in the Bhagavad Gita, is a great example of this.

The Blind King

He's a fascinating character: intelligent, shrewd, and quietly ruthless. He has slyly positioned his own son Duryodhana as king, even though the Pandavas have the rightful claim. And now here he is, on the battlefield, his army facing off against the Pandavas'.

Dhritarashtra opens the Gita with a single question to Sanjaya, his counselor: what happened once my sons and the sons of Pandu had assembled at the holy field of Kurukshetra, ready to fight? Sanjaya, in his answer, immediately prepares Dhritarashtra for the worst. This battle is being fought on the land of dharma, righteousness, where adharma, villainy, cannot ultimately prevail. The rest of the opening chapter spends a great deal of time foreshadowing a victory for the Pandavas that Dhritarashtra is already well aware of.

Still, despite all this, he roots for his own sons instead of urging them toward what's right. He never tries to cancel the battle or give the Pandavas their rightful claim.

Dhritarashtra was not only physically blind, but spiritually blind as well. His attachment to his sons, to power, to status, overwhelmed his good and fair judgment. The only meaning he could find in life was in his material attachments.

The Identity Onion

The critical point here is that the search for meaning can't be driven by what we do, who we're attached to, or anything in the world "out there." It has to stem from knowing who we are and how we define ourselves. And that requires peeling what I think of as the identity onion.

We have many roles and wear many hats in life. Each exerts a certain kind of influence over us, some more than others. There are also identities that exist but somehow stay hidden or suppressed. It's a lot like Neo's situation in The Matrix. Neo knows something is off in his so-called reality. He's not living the life he's actually supposed to.

We all sometimes lose track of who we are and what we're really meant to do. It's no accident that so many of our favorite films are about protagonists who lose themselves and then find some kind of redemption. It's a theme that hits home for a reason.

The search for meaning is intrinsic to our nature. It compels us to keep pursuing and striving, whether we examine it or not. If it could simply be resisted, why would so many people who've already won at the material game, the wealthy, the successful, give so much of what they've built away later in life, looking for something else entirely? Why is the self-help industry worth billions?

Purpose doesn't just matter. Nothing matters more than purpose. Dhritarashtra fell on the wrong side of this, in a very big way, by the end of the battle.

In Your Roles, or Through Them

You don't need to lose a war to understand what he never could:

First, proactively seek purpose, and don't let your attachments pull you around like wild horses. Second, seek meaning in what is not temporary. Seek purpose through principles that are bigger and larger than you.

If we long for deeper meaning in the many roles we live, as children, parents, employees, partners, no one will blame us. It's as natural for us as it was for both Dhritarashtra and Arjuna. But the real difference between these two figures is that Dhritarashtra sought meaning in his roles, whereas Arjuna sought meaning through his.

Arjuna eventually understood, with Krishna's help, that his role as a warrior, a prince, a protector, was not the end game but an important stepping stone toward something deeper: his own self-realization. A means to the end, not the end itself.

Dhritarashtra never got there. He put his position as a father and kingmaker above everything else. In the end, he paid an enormous price for it. His sons lost the war, and he lost his sons.

So leverage your career, your relationships, your experiences. Just be wary of seeking finality in them.